Sunday, June 30, 2013

That time of the Month

We here in the Tavern have to do a lot of mopping up. Spillages, you know. Hey, it happens in the best of pubs and it is one of the 'Key Performance Accountabilities' of a good barman.

Chaps behind the bar don't usually make a song and dance about it, nor use it as a rationale for parachuting or riding horses on the lawns. They just get on with the job at hand, quietly and with as little fuss as possible.

The Bouncer deals with the causes, sometimes.

But one chap recently questioned that other sort of spillage that some of our customers 'do' every full moon. (I know of at least one regular here who will like what happened next.)

The gentleman went on Facebook, that medium which keeps so many good folk from imbibing the Good Stuff. Writing to a well known ladies' product company he said:

Hi, as a man I must ask why you have lied to us for all these years . As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month that the female gets to enjoy so many things. I felt a little jealous. I mean bike riding , rollercoasters, dancing, parachuting, why couldn’t I get to enjoy this time of joy and ‘blue water’ and wings !! Dam my penis!!  
Then I got a girlfriend, was so happy and couldn’t wait for this joyous adventurous time of the month to happen … lied !! There was no joy , no extreme sports , no blue water spilling over wings and no rocking soundtrack oh no no no.  
Instead I had to fight against every male urge I had to resist screaming wooaaahhhhh bodddyyyyyyfooorrrmmm bodyformed for youuuuuuu as my lady changed from the loving , gentle, normal skin coloured lady to the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360 degree head spin. Thanks for setting me up for a fall bodyform , you crafty bugger.

The lady who oversees the company in question responded to Richard on another medium.

Lovely to see a lady with a sense of humour. They are as rare as adults.

A fine ladies' drink for that gal.

(And thanks to Marx  at   )


  1. Replies
    1. :) And what drink would you like with your happy laugh m'dear?

    2. I will let you choose a nice dry white wine for me :-)

    3. I will pour a delicious one for you. A great bottle. You close your eyes and tell me what it is, what year and which side of the slope it is from. Three right and you get the whole bottle.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.


Ne meias in stragulo aut pueros circummittam.

Our Bouncer is a gentleman of muscle and guile. His patience has limits. He will check you at the door.

The Tavern gets rowdy visitors from time to time. Some are brain dead and some soul dead. They attack customers and the bar staff and piss on the carpets. Those people will not be allowed in anymore. So... Be Nice..