Marriage: between a Rock and a Hard Place.

This must be the only pub around where a Russian lady Professor in an Irish College works behind the bar in the evenings. Its in the Irish Room in this fine Tavern from which little other than the sound of violins and jigs and raucous merriment is heard and barely a word of 'current affairs'. 

Yet it gets crowded occasionally with 'Men's Rights' chaps who relax under her caring and watchful eyes. Damned fine eyes they are too, begorrah. The so-called 'misogynist' crowd, which includes the vociferous MGTOWs who eschew marriage and permanent relationships, get as good as they give, and usually with some sound sense intermingled with her humour as she pulls pints and stops fights breaking out. Yes, Russian gals can be charmers and well experienced in life, even when some Paddy accuses the fiddler of playing a bum note. She gets it sorted.

Svetlana rarely raises 'issues' with customers. They do that themselves. But she often has some useful things to say when matters get heated. She mentioned some points to me the other day as I did my daily wander through the bars checking that the suppies of fine ale were at hand.  Here, let her speak.

Marriage, Family and the MRM.

The discussion on traditional marriage between MRAs and feminists is something that always makes my eyes glaze over.

Yes, we often get feminists in the Tavern. I am quite happy to hear them when they behave themselves. 

Actually it’s not a discussion as much as a slogan chanting competition between MRAs and feminists with hardly a shred of objectivity from either side.

“Marriage is slavery for women” scream the feminists.

“Marriage is exploitation of men” scream the MRAs in response. 

The ones sitting quietly on the sidelines and laughing are the radical lesbian feminists who brought the war on marriage to the mainstream back in the 70s and 80s: The ones who know that the destruction of marriage and the traditional family separates men from women and fathers from children; and that’s all good as far as they’re concerned. 

It is also why they pushed so hard to encourage and make acceptable, the hook-up culture that some on those forums around claim doesn’t exist: Just another little nail in the coffin of marriage and family. 

Of course it has never occurred to these feminists that the cultures that are replacing the western ones will, not likely tolerate lesbianism, hook-up culture or any of the “anything goes,” instant gratification morality that they hold so dear; 

but nobody ever accused feminists of being forward-thinkers. 

Actually marriage for most of our history had a lot of advantages for both men and women, which is why it has been the longest lasting social success story in human history, and the bedrock of every successful human civilisation. 

It still is; which is why western cultures are now dying out and being replaced by eastern and southern ones. 

Feminists are also committed statists. No feminist of any standing has failed to remind her followers that welfare, single-motherhood and random hook-ups are the keys to happiness. All these things are inter-related and drivers of each-other, which is why feminism strongly approves of all three.

The fact that this culture is making women miserable and destroying the lives of children doesn’t seem to bother feminists in the least. 

Of course men are also deeply hurt by this culture. MGTOWS, defiantly talking about “going their own way,” while not actually going anywhere, seem determined to ignore the fact that loneliness, human disconnect and alienation, are amongst the principle killers of men in peacetime. Men in long term family relationships are the least likely of all to suffer from stress related illness, mental afflictions or addiction problems. The same applies to women. 

But at least feminists and MRAs finally agree on something; that marriage is broken, but what to do about it? 

Oh I know. Let’s shout some more slogans and dream up all kinds of biologically and financially unworkable non-solutions instead of thinking of ways it could be fixed. 

There are good marriages and bad marriages and mostly in-between marriages. We all know that. So first we need to look at the good marriages and see what they have that others don’t.

“I don’t need no man!” 

“I’m going MGTOW!

Oh people! Who do you think you’re kidding?

The millions of men who fought their way through enemy fire, from Normandy beaches to the rubble of Stalingrad: from tropical islands and North African deserts to snowy steeps and Manchurian plains; did not fight for communism or capitalism or any other ism. Few could care less about red banners or stars and stripes or royal families or the Marseillaise. 

They fought to survive and to hopefully win the right to a future where they could build their families in peace and security. 

Now their societies sit and applaud while feminists / progressivists line up to spit on their graves. 

Marriage right now is broken from a male perspective. Of that there is no doubt. 

So instead of tearing our hair out and trying to shame men for eschewing marriage, why not ask why they are doing this and try to address the very real reasons behind it. This would be the best way to help not only men, but women and children and ultimately society too. 

Firstly the “no fault divorce” rules need to go. 

If marriage is a contract, then it should be binding, meaning that whoever breaks the terms of the contract should be the one to pay the price. If it is not a binding contract then it is completely pointless. 

Secondly the doling out of ever increasing funds to single mothers needs to stop. It just encourages divorce, single mother-hood, general irresponsibility and welfare dependency and it is terribly bad for society. 

Prenuptial agreements should be mandatory and legally binding. 

Any tax breaks currently available to single mothers should be either transferred to married parents instead or just abolished altogether. 

Shared custody of children in the case of divorce should be taken as the default, unless both parties agree otherwise or one parent is proven to be unsuitable. 

That brings us to the biggest challenge of all. The courts must be completely overhauled and the whole “all men are guilty by default” culture needs to be eradicated. Mothers are just as often unsuitable as fathers and that needs to be accepted. 

The state needs to recognise that traditional marriage, not welfare, is the bedrock of society. 

It needs to reverse any measures it has introduced that make marriage untenable today, implement some measures to make it more secure and then butt out. 

A few tweaks like that would not solve the problem and I can think of lots more measures that need to be taken, but they would make a huge difference because they would make marriages more secure for everybody. 

If any western country is planning to sit by while feminists / progressivists continue to flush marriage and family down the drain, then that country might as well just get the cultural suicide over with now: Tear up your constitution, throw open you borders and your seats of government, and start printing copies of the Quran as quickly as possible. 

A man wanted to get married in the past because he wanted to have a long term partnership with a supportive wife, build a family and eventually grow old surrounded by his children and grand-children. 

Our system (currently) is designed to leave him with the lion’s share of the work, but rob him of the rewards. Why would a young man choose that? 

We could accept that nothing is ever perfect but try to fix and preserve that which has worked so well for so long. 

Or we can just continue shouting slogans; and printing copies of the Quran.

Lana can also be found here:  http://antimisandry.com/marriage-divorce-children-choice-men/59085.htm

I recommend everyone to follow that link to see a spirited and deep discussion/argument between several philosophical Men and Lana. You can see some of the things the smart and caring (and very beautiful) lady deals with. Some of the issues raised in the forum there will make a straight chap's hair curl, get his dander up and leave him in need of a pint in the Tavern.

Pax.