Thursday, August 22, 2013

Save Kevin Rudd from ‘Aggression’.

** Updated (2)
The lads in the P&B were talking of volunteering for a ‘Protection Squad’ for poor Kevin Rudd. But they need not worry as Penny Wong has already formed a ‘Swat Team’ to guard the Prime Mendacist from Tony Abbott’s  ‘aggression’.

Yes, the Mad Monk went completely berserk on National Television. In the now well known and feared Abbott ‘manner’ the truth was told, to which Rudd leaped to his own defence with an incremental increase in waffle and bullshit and a dash of programme specificity interruption. 

Abbott, asking of our Glorious Chairman Kev in his quietly menacing, venomous  voice “Does this guy ever shut up?” shocked the audience.


Gasps of horror at such naked violence and offensiveness were heard from many of the lefties on the ABC production staff. Some fainted. A small, pitiful scream of alarm came from one of Kevin’s loyal staffers. Her colleagues, roughly two thirds of the audience, had a first aid team with a deFIBulator rushed to her side.

KRudd, reading the notes on his hand.

But Penny Wong was quick off the mark. Flanked by a team of femi-sistas she immediately rushed to another  TV studio to denounce Abbott as a bully. The cutting room floor was knee deep in snippets about domestic violence and demands for him to be arrested immediately to save the poor victimised Kevin from further vicious attacks.

‘Cut, cut cut’, a favourite Ruddism became real.

* up.2) 
Of course the REAL information was not debated at all. But you can hear what SHOULD have been there, here: Sit back and listen.

Luckily for Mr Abbott the ‘debate’ infront of a live audience was not in Tasmania or a Police team would have had him on the floor and in cuffs before the screaming staffer hit her well practiced  middle C.

They would be wielding their Anger Management Course forms and demanding he signs up for the full treatment. Or else.

Meanwhile Kevin was still talking and barely noticed. His voice in his ear was all that mattered, as his creative intelligence plucked another four promises and $500,000,000 of taxpayer's money from his agile mind.

What a Star !

What a Trouper !

Back in the bar, it reminded Mark Steyn to remind us all of an American fellow, John Bolton, who ‘aggressively’ confronted a bureaucrat.

Boy, it’s just like that confirmation battle back in 2005 over John Bolton, President Bush’s plain-spoken nominee for UN ambassador. It really heated up.  Senator Barbara Boxer, the Democratic Party's comely obstructionist, charged that Bolton needs  "anger management lessons". 

I don't know about you, but nothing makes me want to hurl a chair through the window and punch someone's lights out like being told I need anger management lessons.  

So I was interested to hear about the kind of violent Boltonian eruptions that had led Senator Boxer to her diagnosis. Well, here it comes.  

(If you've got young children present, you might want to take them out of the room.)  

From the shockingly brutal testimony of Thomas Fingar, Assistant Secretary of State for the Bureau of Intelligence Research: 
Q: Could you characterize your meeting with Bolton? Was he calm? 
MR. FINGAR: No, he was angry. He was standing up. 
Q: Did he raise his voice to you? Did he point his finger in your face? 
MR. FINGAR: I don't remember if he pointed. John speaks in such a low voice normally. Was it louder than normal? Probably. I wouldn't characterize it as screaming at me or anything like that. It was more, hands on hips, the body language as I recall it, I knew he was mad.  

He was "standing up" with "hands on hips"!  
Who's he think he is – Carmen Miranda?  
Tony Abbott? 
Fortunately, before Bolton could let rip with a "pursed lip" or escalate to the lethal "tsk-ing" manoeuvre, ...
....Fingar was able to back cautiously out of the room and call the FBI anger management team, who surrounded the building and told the deranged diplomat to "come out slowly with his hands above his hips". 
Well, I haven't been so horrified since …well, since David Gest split from Liza Minnelli and launched a multi-million dollar suit for damages because she'd beaten him up. As The Daily Show's Jon Stewart observed, "There is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli."  
Likewise, whatever one's feelings about the UN and Kofi Annan and multilateralism, there's nothing that could get most self-respecting men to appear in front of a Senate committee and complain that John Bolton put his hands on his hips.  
At least, Liza allegedly beat David to a pulp. True, she'd recently had two hip replacements, so if she'd slapped her hands on her hips, she'd have fallen to the ground howling in agony, and David could have run for his life. Or, indeed, strolled for his life, given that she was overweight, barely five foot tall and a decade his senior. But my point is: even David Gest might have balked at complaining about hands on hips. 
Still, in the ever accelerating descent into parody of the Senate confirmation process, nothing is too trivial.
Just as in Rudd's performances.

This will go down in Australian Election history as the most pathetic performance by a sitting Prime Minister and the media ever.
By the time Senator Boxer and co are through huffing about the need for anger management lessons, Two-Hips Bolton will be able to walk into every saloon in Dodge and the meanest hombres will be diving for cover behind the hoochie-koochie gals' petticoats before his pinky's so much as brushed his waist.

The Australian People are agog, awaiting the next TV newscasts of Abbott.

Will he dive ‘angrily’ into the waves to save someone when next on life-guard duty?

Will he ‘annoyingly snap’ a page open in-front of the Aboriginal child he is teaching to read?

Will he ‘demandingly, expropriatingly grab’ a spade to dig the hole for a shrub at his next environmental day?

The ABC will be there to capture his naked aggression (with or without his Budgie Smugglers) so we can all see what a nasty man lurks beneath those evil ears.

"I have my beady eyes on you
so STOP IT !!!"
Or I will Lie about you.

Kevin will programme specificityfy for hours at a time to loving ABC camera teams, and Penny Wong will save us all.

But they had both better get in quick before the cracks appear further in the make-up of the campaign. And talking of make-up.....

The make-up lady who helped Rudd and Abbott prepare for the TV had a few things to say about them both, on facebook.

* Update:

News broke that pressure has been put on the make-up lady with threats to her job and demeaning her: pressure from a Union official. She has regretfully removed her message.

But several other young women have waded in to support exactly what she said. See the link:

And to make matters even worse, Penny Wongs attack on Tony Abbott has been declared 'Lies' by an Independent Fact-Checker organisation. See link :


Poor old Kevin. He really does need protecting. From himself.

Whose round is it?

Tony Abbott's I think.

*(A small note of caution. Some of the above is very slightly exaggerated after a few drinks of Humour. I will leave it to you to work out which parts are true).


1 comment:

  1. Wow. I wonder what would happen if they had a REAL fight on their heads?

    And Penny a lesbian? Enquiring Americans want to know.


Ne meias in stragulo aut pueros circummittam.

Our Bouncer is a gentleman of muscle and guile. His patience has limits. He will check you at the door.

The Tavern gets rowdy visitors from time to time. Some are brain dead and some soul dead. They attack customers and the bar staff and piss on the carpets. Those people will not be allowed in anymore. So... Be Nice..