She had made some effort, choosing a simple but elegant black one-piece suit with a matching pair of quite feminine black short-shorts. She was blond. Shoulder-length hair. Slim and pretty. With her was a small boy - her son - to whom she devoted her entire attention. I judged that she was very comfortable in her womanliness and in her motherhood. She was exuding gaity: that is, the old and proper use of the word. A delightful young lady.
I know when school is out without even looking at my watch as right on the dot there appears a gaggle of teenaged gals from the local Catholic Girls' College. Whether they have changed into cossies at school or worn them all day under their clothes I do not know (or care, for that matter) but off come the uniform blouses and skirts and there they prance and preen to one another for a few minutes before they run squealing into the water.
What a perv, I must be, eh? All men are just pervy judgemental bastards, eh?
There is always one girl who hangs back a little. It is quite easy to see which one she will be; just by watching the others. Its the way they 'look' at her.“Judge tenderly, if you must. There is usually a side you have not heard, a story you know nothing about, and a battle waged that you are not having to fight.”
― Traci Lea LaRussa”
Hmmmm. As if. Girls do it all the time.“That just goes to show, remarked Pearlie, that you must never judge a woman in a kimono or a bathing suit.”
― Edna Ferber.
The entire fashion industry is built on the principle that all appearances must be 'judged', criticised and as quickly as possible, replaced.
Few things last as long as a moment of appreciation.
Girls do that. Not just keep letters as Fyodor describes, but judge other girls and finds them wanting. It is a 'constant' that all girls have in their lives. They do it themselves.“The poor girl was keeping that student's letter as a precious treasure, and had run to fetch it, her only treasure, because she did not want me to go away without knowing that she, too, was honestly and genuinely loved; that she, too, was addressed respectfully. No doubt that letter was destined to lie in her box and lead to nothing. But none the less, I am certain that she would keep it all her life as a precious treasure, as her pride and justification, and now at such a minute she had thought of that letter and brought it with naive pride to raise herself in my eyes that I might see, that I, too, might think well of her.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
No man can give that 'Judgemental Look' like a girl can. Not that some don't try....
In the 'battle of the sexes' it is men who seem to get labelled as judgemental, especially of women, Women of course are the ones making that judgement, although they would be the first to say“I suddenly remembered that Murray Gell-Mann and I were supposed to give talks at that conference on the present situation of high-energy physics. My talk was set for the plenary session, so I asked the guide, "Sir, where would the talks for the plenary session of the conference be?"
"Back in that room that we just came through."
"Oh!" I said in delight. "Then I'm gonna give a speech in that room!"
The guide looked down at my dirty pants and my sloppy shirt. I realized how dumb that remark must have sounded to him, but it was genuine surprise and delight on my part.We went along a little bit farther, and the guide said, "This is a lounge for the various delegates, where they often hold informal discussions." They were some small, square windows in the doors to the lounge that you could look through, so people looked in. There were a few men sitting there talking.I looked through the windows and saw Igor Tamm, a physicist from Russia that I know. "Oh!" I said. "I know that guy!" and I started through the door.The guide screamed, "No, no! Don't go in there!" By this time he was sure he had a maniac on his hands, but he couldn't chase me because he wasn't allowed to go through the door himself!”― Richard Feynman
'don't judge me for judging you' !
But hey, why believe me. A woman was saying as much in the UK Room just the other afternoon. Victoria Allen said.....
Just got thrown a really dirty look like to say 'ewww'':
More than half of women give each other unfriendly and judgemental glares
• 34 students were asked to send texts when they received or gave a nasty look
• 18 of those surveyed said they regularly gave judgemental looks
• The looks caused feelings of doubt and discomfort in other women
• Study participants were surprised by how many nasty looks they gave others
Mean girls continue to exist after school, as more than half of the looks women give each other appear unfriendly or judgmental.A study has found women feel judged by everyone from their closest female friends to strangers who look them up and down in the street.Asked by researchers at Aberystwyth University to report eye contact with other women in a week, females said the looks were negative more than half the time.A new study has found that more than half of women regularly deal out a nasty glare to members of their own sex. This causes feelings of doubt, discomfort and of being judged in other women.
They report pressure to wear make-up and buy new clothes, while being scrutinised for their appearance from 'head to toe'. One young woman said she would rather take her clothes off in front of a man than her friends, amid pressure to measure up against them.
Lead author Dr Sarah Riley, a reader in psychology at Aberystwyth University, said she was surprised at how much women exchange glances.
She said: 'There was the overwhelming sense that looks were judgemental and that we are living in a world where you are constantly being looked at in troubling ways.'
Teachers taking their clothes off infront of a man ? !! Wot? Not infront of young boys in the classroom supplies cupboard? Novel, eh?The study, published in the journal Feminism & Psychology, asked 12 female students to send a text message every time they received a look from another woman or gave one.
The messages revealed negative feelings about being looked at and responses included:
- 'Just got thrown a really dirty look like to say 'ewww''
- 'A girl is fully staring at me and I looked at her and looked away and she's still staring at me'- 'I noticed when I was walking around the other day that some women (40+) had a tendency to look me up and down until I caught eye contact with them and then they'd look at the floor'- 'I was waiting in line at a bar and I made eye contact with a woman who was looking at me, then looked me up and down, this made me feel slightly awkward at the time'But not every experience was negative with some students saying that certain looks made their day.In 18 of the 34 reports, the young women described receiving looks which were judgmental or made them feel awkward. One participant said she received a 'really dirty look', while another said a stranger at a bar 'looked me up and down'.Researchers also conducted 44 in-depth interviews with women aged 18 to 35 years old, who provided more detail.A 31-year-old teacher, called Dawn, said: 'I think that other women are much more inclined to have a good old look at you or each other than actually maybe men are. I think women really like to compare themselves to other people and even really good friends.. and to judge each other on their appearance.'She said rather take her clothes off in front of a man she knew than her friends, adding: 'That's again because I think I would look at other women and compare myself and therefore I know that other women do it.'
The study follows previous research on 'bitchy' femininity and how girls' friendship groups use 'mean' looks to convey unspoken aggression.
But they will still all shout - at men, more than at women - "Don't Judge Me !!"It adds: 'Our data show that this sense-making exists beyond school and into early adulthood, shaping the way that women understand other women, and expressed through practices of looking so that for some of our participants a supportive stranger was unimaginable.'
Among the 34 text messages, there were just 11 looks which women said made them feel happy or appreciative and five which were neither in the positive or negative categories.
Sienna, a 21-year-old student, was quoted as saying women look even more at each other than they do at men, stating that this is why women spend so much time putting on make-up, investing in new outfits and changing their hair.
Of course you will all have poured over the other riviting 'Papers' in the journal Feminism & Psychology, wherein one might find 'Navel Lint: A new form of Patriarchal Oppression' and its huge study of four undergraduate girls' tummy button extractions. Or perhaps, keeping you awake at night searching for nuance in, "One in Four Women cut their toenails at least weakly: strength discrimination and oppressive male taxation policy". The Universities of Wales are at the cutting edge.
Some are suckers for punishment. They will deliberately present themselves in such a way as to attract criticism. They will even imagine, impute, infer criticism where none was. Its a 'game'. A 'poor me' game.
I might have to take that youngster aside and give her a cooling lemonade. The poor child has a nasty taste in her mouth.
But, back to the more pleasing....I think I have seen that yummy mummy before.
I must fetch her a cool drink too next time.